Month: March 2013

  • to remember

    the soft warmth, the slight pressure of your body as you sleep, pressed against my back...

    the joy that fills me as you would read my words and smile...

    standing at the sink, passing the dishes as they get washed, no words, just a fleeting touch, and a spark that opens my heart... again...

    the look in your eyes as I'd give you something you hadn't expected, something that I had been able to make with these hands, this heart...

    so much to remember

     

     

    so much...

     

     

    to dream

  • It's an unfortunate truth that the person we understand the least will always be ourselves.

     

    ...there are simply too many questions we don't want to ask, too many truths we don't want to see, too many facts we want to hide.

     

    ...too many excuses for us to use.

     

  • anticlimax

    It seems odd in a way. There have been several times in this last year when I felt I should be writing about the journey I've been on... it has been ten years, I'm not where I had hoped. or planned on being, the road has been far from easy, and in some ways I'm amazed at all that has changed.

    But... it's also been me, just living each day.

    Sure, there were times when I thought I couldn't, wouldn't, live another day. And there were times when I thought I'd found everything my heart had ever desired.

    But here I am. Still here, trying to figure out what happened, what's next, and whether I ... yeah, or maybe not.

     

    I guess it's all just part of life. The reality that we never want to see in our dreams.

     

  • It seems to me that the older I get the more important honesty is to me. What I find odd is that it's not the honesty of other people that matters tome, but my own. Oh, sure, it hurts when someone I've trusted isn't honest, but it's not like what they do, or don't do, is going to kill me, well, at least I hope not. Basically, I've come to expect people to be dishonest far more often than not.

    I guess what bothers me now is looking back at all the lies I convinced myself to be true that kept me from changing my life, that have kept me from letting go of things, or turned me away from chances to do and learn things I always said I wanted to.

    "What might have been..."

    It's a sad thing, that thought, one that can drag any of down into the pits of despair.

    But it's also another lie. And one thing is true above almost everything else, we humans are experts at lies.

     

  • Does she exist?

    There is a woman I hope does exist, one who is willing to meet the fears, desires, hopes and dreams I have, one who will challenge me, question my motives, stand by me and choose to share my journey. I hope this, but also fear that she has never existed, never will. I've never found her, that's for sure. Though, twice, I thought I caught a glimpse... a spark... a passing flash of a dream.

     

    lol....even if she did exist, why would she be looking for me.

     

    silly boy, don't you know dreams never come true.