When I think back...

there have always been reasons why I didn't follow through with so many things I wish I had finished. Always. But what was really happening all those times wasn't what I wanted it to seem, it was always just my attempt at finding any rationalization I could, any excuse, to allow myself to fail. Again.

I see it every day I go to work, every day I look at the world, every time I look at some thing I've started, but never finished, the worry that keeps me, us, from taking a chance, from stepping beyond what we're sure of into the unknown.

Worry is a poison, born of fear, that supplies us with a never ending list of things that "might" go wrong. It doesn't, and never will, make tomorrow one bit better than today,  in fact, it robs us of our will to make tomorrow any better, it buries our dreams and hopes so deeply that they won't be able to grow. It robs us of our chance to find out if we can be happy.

It makes me wonder...

why is it that there are so many ways that we are told "what we should" be worried about.

I find it disconcerting how easy it is for life to allow me to do  less, accomplish nothing, and fill the days with the banal trash most of humanity seems engrossed in. It's frustrating and in the moments when I catch myself, it disgusts me at my lack of gumption. Oh, there are excuses, there always are, we humans are masters at rationalizing, we can always find some way to shove own own weaknesses on something else.

"If it's important to you, you WILL find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."

That's what I see every time I use my phone. A reminder. One that just like most of us, I tend to ignore. Until something smacks me in the back of the head again and rattles my brain for a while. Then I remember, and promise to get back to work... until...

yeah, it's that "until" that's the killer.

Well, let's see if I can get past that.