October 31, 2010

  • withdrawing...

    It's strange in a way.

    It feels like I'm withdrawing again, closing up, hiding.

    It feels like it, but I'm not sure. I know I'm falling into my fantasies, feeding them, nurturing them, coaxing them to life on the page. What's strange is that in so many ways I'm opening door I forgot were there. Recovering the notes and pages from collage is part of that, but not all. There's so much I've hidden away, for so long. Things that happened almost forty years ago, things that changed me. I guess it's always been about touch for me, what my fingers held, how I felt when I did, who touched me, why...

    Why did I do it, any of it?

    Why did those cravings hold so much power over me?

    Why won't the memories fade?

    Why do I crave you? Now? This way?

     

     

    Just another fantasy. My only hope? To maybe turn it into words...

    Is it withdrawal if I still write about it?